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in reply to: Leo and the grocery store tantrum today… #6620
Desmond, I hear you on those cracker meltdowns, been there! Katrin, your idea about the pre-approved choices before hitting the store is so spot on. I do something really similar, especially with my toddler who’s decided “no” is his favorite word for everything right now. Instead of just saying “Do you want X or Y?”, I’ve found it’s even more effective if I can frame it as *he’s* making the decision, even when both options are already things I’m happy with. Like, if we’re dealing with getting dressed and he’s refusing everything, I’ll hold up two shirts I’m fine with, and say, “Which shirt is YOUR choice for today?” It’s like a magic trick – suddenly he’s got agency, and he’s usually much more willing to cooperate because he “picked” it. It feels a bit sneaky, but honestly, it saves us both a ton of grief and gets us out the door faster than battling over every single item. It’s all about giving them that feeling of control, even if it’s within very clear boundaries you’ve already set.
in reply to: Early morning toddler adventures… send coffee. #6519Alistair, oh man, the 5 AM club is absolutely brutal. My little one pulled that stunt for weeks, and I swear, I was starting to believe he ran on solar power. All the usual tricks felt useless, like he just decided ‘this is my time now, mom.’
What ended up buying me a little sanity, literally just 30-45 minutes sometimes, was setting up a ‘quiet zone’ in his room for those ridiculously early hours. I put a small basket with some soft books and a few chunky building blocks right by his bed – things he could safely play with without needing me right there. The deal was (after a few gentle redirects at 5 AM, obviously), if the little sun on his okay-to-wake clock wasn’t glowing yet, he could play with *those specific toys* quietly, but not come out. He’d wake up, grab a book or start stacking, and I could actually just… lie there for a bit longer. It didn’t solve the early wake-up, but it gave me a grace period before the real day began. Sometimes you just gotta figure out how to navigate the new normal with a few strategic supplies.
in reply to: Lily and her greens… sigh #6502Ugh, Anja, I’m so with you on the daily grind of the veggie battles. It’s exhausting trying to keep things light when inside you’re just doing calculations about fiber and vitamins, isn’t it? I totally get what Yuki, Hanna, and Elara are saying about the emotional load – it makes such a difference when you can manage that, for sure.
My little guy went through a serious “NO” phase with everything green, too. What worked for us, and it’s kind of a weird little trick, was separating the veggies entirely from the main plate initially. I started putting a small bowl of raw, cut-up things – like bell pepper strips or cucumber sticks – and a tiny bowl of dip (hummus or cream cheese, whatever he was into that week) right *next* to his plate. And then I’d give him a pair of those kid-sized tongs or a tiny fork.
I wouldn’t even say “eat your veggies.” Instead, I’d casually say something like, “Can you help me move these crunchy red pieces into this other bowl?” or “I wonder if your tongs can pick up a green stick?” He’d get so focused on the *act* of using the tongs and the “game” of moving the food that he’d often pop a piece in his mouth without even thinking about it. It turned it from “you must eat this” into “let’s play a game with these tools,” and suddenly, he was in control, and the “no” factor just… went away sometimes. It didn’t solve everything, but it definitely got more greens into him with way less fuss.
in reply to: Morning dressing battles… anyone else? #6314Annelies, oh my goodness, the “Era of No” for clothes is real, isn’t it? “Olympic sport” is the perfect way to put it, especially with the ‘no socks’ or the ‘only glittery shoes’ demands. It’s not about the clothes sometimes, it’s just about the ‘no.’
Chloe C., what you said about making it a game, that’s exactly where I’ve found a breakthrough too. Ditching the “do you want” questions and turning it into a silly action is a brilliant hack for just getting the clothes on without the power struggle. My little one will often dig his heels in about something totally random, and trying to reason or negotiate just fuels it.
For us, when it’s something like the ‘glittery shoes’ for the park, I’ve had to learn to pivot fast. Instead of getting into why they’re not practical, I’ll say something like, “Wow, those glittery shoes are so amazing for our dance party! But for zooming on the slide at the park, we need our super-fast running shoes. Which super-fast shoes do you want for sliding today, the red ones or the blue ones?” It shifts the focus from the ‘no’ to the activity and a controlled choice, and usually bypasses the whole meltdown. It’s less about the ‘what’ and more about framing it around what they *want to do* with the *right* gear. Saves so much mental energy.
in reply to: Morning dressing battles… anyone else? #6297Annelies, totally feel you on the Olympic sport mornings. The ‘Era of No’ is real, especially with clothes. I’ve had zero luck with direct choices when mine is digging his heels in, because sometimes they just want to say ‘no’ to *anything*.
Chloe, your ‘making it a game’ thing really hit home. That’s exactly where I’ve found a breakthrough. When it’s not about them *choosing* the item, but about them *participating* in the putting-on, it bypasses the refusal almost entirely. For us, when the ‘no socks’ protest hits, I’ve had to ditch the ‘do you want’ questions. Instead, I’ll literally make the sock ‘walk’ up his leg like a little worm, or ask if his foot can ‘hide’ inside the sock. It turns the whole thing into a silly physical interaction, and the clothes just magically get on. It’s less about reasoning and more about redirecting that intense toddler will into something ridiculous they can control. Totally saves my sanity before coffee.
in reply to: Morning dressing battles… anyone else? #6290Annelies, totally get the Olympic sport vibe. My little one entered his ‘Era of No’ around 18 months, and suddenly everything was a battle. Especially clothes. I used to try the ‘choose one or two’ thing, but sometimes even that just fueled the refusal, like you said.
I hear Yuki and Elara talking about the anxieties, and Eleanor about the ‘why.’ For me, it was always, ‘Okay, how do I actually *get* these clothes on him without a meltdown?’ What finally clicked for me was making the *act* of putting on the clothes into less of a direct confrontation and more of a game. For the ‘no socks’ protest you mentioned, I stopped asking “do you want these?” and started narrating. Like, ‘Oh, look! This sock is trying to find your foot! Is it hiding under there?’ or ‘Can your leg reach up to meet this pant leg?’ It completely changed the dynamic from ‘do you want this?’ to ‘let’s do this together, but in a silly way.’ It usually diverts the ‘no’ energy into a giggle, and the clothes just kinda… happen. It’s not about them choosing the item, but about them choosing to *participate* in the silly game of putting it on. Works wonders for us when he’s being extra stubborn and just needs to exert *some* control, even if it’s just over the silly game.
Yuki, I totally get the ‘food art project’ thing. Been there, done that, bought the extra-large floor mat.
Chloe, that’s a good tip with the tiny amounts, I’ve done something similar. What I found worked even better for my little guy (who was also super into ‘doing it myself’ with everything, including launching peas across the kitchen) was giving him *two* spoons. One for him, and one for me. We’d load up his spoon together, and then he could try to get it in his mouth himself. But if he got distracted or started doing the ‘airplane’ routine with it, I’d just quietly pick up *my* spoon and pop a bit of food in his mouth while he was still focused on wrestling with his own. It gave him the feeling of control with his spoon, and I could still make sure some actual nutrition was getting in there without it turning into a battle. Less food on the floor, more food in the kid.
Oh wow, yes, the ‘I do it myself!’ phase is intense at mealtimes! My little guy is exactly the same. What I’ve found actually helps a bit with the mess, and still gives him that feeling of control, is to only put a *tiny* amount of food on his plate at a time. Like, literally just a few pieces of fruit or a spoonful of pasta. He can “do it himself” with that small amount, and then when he asks for more (which he inevitably does, because he thinks he’s ‘in charge’ of refills), I give him a bit more. It cuts down on the amount that ends up on the floor by like, 80%, and he still gets to feel like he’s calling the shots on his own meal progression. It’s a bit more work for me with the refilling, but way less cleanup.
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