KOAIV · BABIES & TODDLERS
Separation Anxiety in Babies & Toddlers
Gentler goodbyes. Small steps together.
Separation anxiety is the distress a child can feel when apart from a familiar caregiver. It is common in babies and toddlers, especially between about 6 months and 3 years, though every child is different. Read the NHS overview.
Find a reassuring goodbye routine, words you can borrow, and a free handoff template to share with your child’s caregiver.
A LITTLE REASSURANCE
Connection goes with them.
A hard goodbye can be a tender moment for both of you.
01 Make the next step familiar.
02 Share the care.
03 Make room for reunion.
Trust The Becoming.
What feels hard right now?
Choose the situation closest to yours. Start with one useful step.
01 · TIME APART
“They cry when I leave.”
Understand separation anxiety, then explore gentle ways to support your baby.
02 · NEW FACES
“New faces feel hard.”
Explore how unfamiliar people can feel different from being apart from a familiar caregiver.
03 · CHILDCARE & HANDOFFS
“Drop-off feels overwhelming.”
Put your goodbye words and caregiver plan in one place.
04 · PRACTISING AT HOME
“Where can we begin?”
Explore playful moments of hiding, finding, and reconnecting together.
Understand the feeling. Choose the next step.
Separation anxiety is common in early childhood, especially between about 6 months and 3 years. Children vary, and new settings or stressful changes can make parting harder. Read the NHS overview →
Most of our linked guides focus on babies and toddlers. Adapt the words and routines to your child’s communication, sensory, and developmental needs.
TWO DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES
Leaving & meeting.
Separation anxiety: “My familiar person is going.”
Stranger anxiety: “This person feels unfamiliar.”
A familiar goodbye, one step at a time.
Use this starting point with a trusted caregiver. Adjust together as you learn what helps.
01 · BEFORE
Make space to settle.
Arrange a visit or time together with the caregiver before the first separation, when possible.
02 · AT THE DOOR
Say who stays and who returns.
Offer a brief, warm goodbye. Name the caregiver and give a return cue your toddler understands.
03 · AFTER
Let the caregiver take over.
Agree how they will offer comfort and update you. Make a little space to reconnect when you return.
Keep return promises realistic: use “after lunch” only when that is the actual plan. Guidance: AAP: easing separation anxiety → · AAP: making childcare drop-off easier →
Words you can borrow.
These are examples, not a script to get perfectly right. Use familiar names, gestures, or your family’s home language.
FOR A BABY
“I’m going now. Jo is here.”
Pair a few gentle words with your familiar wave or goodbye gesture.
FOR A TODDLER
“You wish I could stay.”
“Jo will look after you. I’ll pick you up after lunch. One hug, then our wave.” Adjust the names and timing.
FOR THE REUNION
“I’m happy to see you.”
“Would you like a cuddle or to sit beside me?” Leave room for their way of reconnecting.
FREE · COPY-AND-USE TEMPLATE
One goodbye plan.
Shared by the grown-ups.
Copy these prompts into a note for nursery, a family member, or another caregiver. Complete them together before the next handoff.
Keep the plan short enough to use on a busy morning.
Our goodbye & reunion note
- Who will welcome my child: ______
- Our goodbye words or gesture: ______
- What helps them feel comfortable: ______
- Words, signs, or cues they use: ______
- What the caregiver will try first: ______
- Who is collecting them, and when: ______
- When and how we will share an update: ______
- When to contact me sooner: ______
- One thing to review together: ______
Explore together, at your own pace.
Follow your child’s interest. These activities are invitations to connect, with no pass or fail.
PLAY
Little games of connection.
Browse eight ideas for shared play and gentle practice.
MAKE
Everyday objects, new discoveries.
Explore homemade object permanence play. Choose age-appropriate materials and supervise closely.
UNDERSTAND
Out of sight, still there.
Read about object permanence and your baby’s growing understanding.
A little more guidance, when you need it.
PRACTICAL STEPS
Support time apart.
A closer look at techniques for infant separation anxiety.
NEW FACES
Give familiarity time.
Understand your baby’s response to people they do not know well.
CONNECTION
Explore secure attachment.
Read more about connection in everyday caregiving.
When to ask for extra help.
If distress is intense, lasts a long time after you leave, or continues over several weeks, speak with your health visitor or pediatrician. You can ask sooner whenever you are worried.
Share what both you and the caregiver notice, including how your child settles after the goodbye. This page offers general educational support, not an individual assessment.
A few more questions.
One familiar goodbye. One caring handoff. One next step.